Ok, so it's been quite a while since I've "blogged". It was one of my "new years resolutions" to keep current with my blogging. FAIL! See? this is why I don't make new years resolutions.
It's about 2 am and I can't sleep. I haven't been sleeping well at all lately. Which is why i am usually up in the wee mornings baking and creating healthy recipes. Hey, Id might as well make use of my "free" time right? =)
I guess my ADD is getting out of control. Too much on my mind all at once. The main thing? My knee surgery. Yes it's the scope surgery, but the doctor doesn't know since I have 1. meniscus tear, 2. completely worn and damaged cartiledge, and 3. osteochondritis dissecans (which she says is common in race horses) oh yay! She said that's how hard I've been working and putting wear and strain on my knee. For those who know me, know that I push 100%! ESPECIALLY at the gym. Yes I do Satan's psycho workouts and yes, even signed up for the tough mudder in October. Why do I push myself so hard you ask? Lots of reasons.
The fact that my doctor saying that I MAY need several surgeries is really getting to me. That means more recovery time which means more time out of the gym. This whole not being able to work out is seriously brigning me down. Yes, I know the the gym and working out has consumed my life. It has to. Please don't say things like "Oh jeanie, you need to rest, you'll be back, you will be ok...." blah blah blah. You just don't understand! You don't understand what it was like being me before. This is what makes me HAPPY. Yes, working out SUCKS (especially with Satan), but after the workout you're on a high! Like you accomplished something. Like you are ready to take on the world. The endorphin high is what I constantly seek which is why I am always going back for more. Like for some people who have families with kids, spouses etc...that's what makes you happy right? You have a dog or pet you love....that's what makes you happy right? You have a motorcycle you like to take rides on when the weather is nice...that's what makes you happy right? Well, the gym and working out and constantly pushing myself is what makes ME happy. yes I know I complain of how much "Satan" tortures me, but it's THAT torture that got me in the best shape and keeps me going to get in even better shape and work to get a better physique. I still have a long way to go. But this surgery is definately going to set me back for a while. Am I psycho? Probably!
This is probably another reason why I have failed in relationships. Yes I am putting it out there. On FB yes, I talk about my workouts, my rants of stupid people pissing me off, my millions of pro athlete "boyfriends", and in general, lots of nonsense stuff. I know most are ridiculous and I am probably hidden from most of my friends newsfeeds. I don't care. It's my way of "therapy". Just like this blog. One thing i don't do is talk about my relationships. I give that respect to the person and to myself. Oh trust me...I could write a book about the guys I've dated and how I've been screwed over, or how so and so was the best boyfriend I had, or how that was a "FWB" timeframe, etc etc...but I won't. Although stay tuned for upcoming blogs because yes I will totally go Taylor Swift on some of these tools, gents, and a**holes I've dated or "hung out" with. My friend Shannon told me I should become a professional blogger. I don't know about professional, but yes, I think i will blog more often. It really is theraputic. I feel better already! =)
Now back to this surgery (see? told you I was ADD), I am scared. Scared that it will be more than what it really is. Scared that it will be a long time for recovery. Scared that this workout postponement will get me fat again. (you have NO IDEA so please don't act like you do know--not a lot has been in my shoes--those who went to middle school and high school with me KNOW...because you've seen it). But I've got awesome friends. Once again, the support and love shown is overwhelming. I have the best friends in the world and I thank God everyday for good people like you in my life. Watch for more blogs because yes I will be writing a lot more. For my sanity at least. Who needs a shrink when you can blog? haha. SAVE MONEY! BLOG! It really does help! =)
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